Yes, Jesus flipped tables and used a whip in the temple, but He also said “Forgive them, for they do not know what they do” while He hung on the cross.
We can show righteous anger for those who do evil things, but we also need to be willing to plead for their souls as they seek to kill us. That is what it means to follow Christ, to be as He is, showing mercy and grace to those who have no idea what they do; even if it takes our lives. T.B. LaBerge // Go Now (via tblaberge)
I’ve been thinking about what to say for the last 2 months, and I think I finally figured it out.
I’m sorry. It’s what I should have always said. I’m sorry I wasn’t the man that you needed me to be. I’m sorry I was selfish.
I know that I’m not the best person out there. I have my flaws, hell I have more than I can count. But it’s who I am. It’s not something that could be changed so easily. I couldn’t change my personality to fit your needs. It’s not something that I’m capable of doing.
I know that we’ve both said some pretty hurtful things about each other here and to our friends, and I apologize for that and I forgive you for it. I know that you regret that relationship, but I honestly can’t say I do. You cant deny that there was something amazing there.
I know I didn’t show my emotions to you through the 16 months we were together, but I’m about to say how I’ve felt, where anyone and everyone can see it.
I’ve been an absolute mess. Since the night you left me standing alone in that parking lot. I cried, fuck, I collapsed in that parking lot for 3 hours begging that it wasn’t over that I was just dreaming. I know I played it off to everyone that I was fine and I was over everything and it didn’t matter. And everyone believed it. Hell, my own sister who I’m pretty close with didn’t even know until you called her asking where I was a few days later. I just didn’t want people to worry about me. But I’ve been falling apart, slowly at first but then just all of a sudden. I’ve kept it hidden as best I can, but I don’t know how much longer I can do that.
This isn’t all just because of you leaving. It’s been years of stress, failures, heartbreak and anger building up until the one thing makes it overflow. And you were that one final piece. You were the only good thing I had in my life and just like that, you were gone. I don’t talk to anyone anymore. People I considered my closest friends, are just people now. Not a single one of the people I thought cared about me, has even asked if I’m doing alright. I haven’t really spoken to anyone in months.
I had just spiraled deeper and deeper into the depression I thought I had left years ago and it’s at a point where I don’t think I’ll make it out the same. I can’t lie about this, I’ve been depressed, hell I’ve thought about killing myself. Judging thinking about the gun I have in my desk, one squeeze of a trigger and BAM it’s over. The dozens of knives I’ve collected. Always wondering which one could cut deep enough. Even when I’m driving, doing the calculations in my head as to how fast I’d need to go in order for to die instantly by hitting the median.
It’s all just been too much for me to handle.
But, I do want to say this. All I’ve ever wanted was you to be happy. And I can see that you are. It pains me to see that it’s not me that’s making you happy, but I’m glad that you’ve found someone who can give you that happiness. Things are looking up for you and I’m so very proud of all that you’ve accomplished in the last 4 months. And I wish you all the happiness in the world. It’s all I ever wanted.
Should have just stayed in the Air Force…..maybe my plane would have been shot down…
That makes 3 from my graduating class who have committed suicide…